Movie Maven

The season:

-beginning of the U.S. academic calendar

- a period of change and melancholy decline

The films:

- beginning of the "academic" or Oscar film calendar, i.e. flawlessly produced films with big stars and an un-nuanced attempt at social consciousness

- a period of social change documentaries and melancholy ruminations on the postmodern American landscape.

The season:

- Brings The Holidays (basically Christmas), joy, goodwill, sparkling candles, and sleek, art deco Christmas gifts from Pottery Barn...

- Which are followed by three months of cold wet slush that depresses everyone and gives us all the flu.

The films:

- The sense of joy pervades early early on as a melange of Indiewoods and better major studio films pervade late November and December. This occurs all the way up until the Oscar nominations are decided and announced. Then it devolves into a malignant stew of substandard rom-coms and spoofs made by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

The season:

- A time of renewal, fresh faced optimism, baby animals

The films:

- Fresher comedies, with more off-beat casts and plot lines, that sometimes don't make me want to take a nosedive off the Tobin Bridge.

But of course, these seasons are just vague playthings to studios, when compared with:

The season:

-Extreme weather: tornadoes, hurricanes, summer electrical storms, generally followed by days of endless, mind-crushing waves of heat.

The films:

- EXTREME, usually about superheros, or shit blowing up, or snakes on planes.

- Studios generally put more money than sense into these films, as they know that more people are willing to pay upwards of $10 to sit in an air conditioned theater for two hours.

And so now we are approaching the summer season- the studios are working their magic, coming up with the perfect panel-tested, focus-group approved convergence of romance, action, comic book inspiration, and blowed up shit to make this summer ROCK. Below are ten of what I in my limited education believe will probably be the biggest films this summer, as well as my thoughts after viewing the trailers.

The Big-Ass Films of Summer (in chronological order of release date)

1. Iron Man (May 2)

First thoughts: I love Robert Downy, Jr. And Gwyneth Paltrow. I just don't understand what either of them are doing in this movie. Why is Downey trying to be that guy?

2. Speed Racer (May 9)

First thoughts: Based on the work of legendary anime creator Tatsuo Yoshida. I'm really more excited about this movie than anyone ever should be, but I don't care. The Wachowski brothers wrote and directed it, and it stars Emile Hirsch and Christina Ricci. It's going to be badass.

3. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (May 16)

First thoughts: Prince Caspian looks pretty hot. And the haunting shot of the magical train pulling up at the Strand Tube station looks vividly realized. But I fear the film as a whole may be as disappointing as the first one was.

4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 22)

First thoughts: Harrison Ford has not aged well, and his costume appears to not quite fit as it used to. Did they forget to re-measure for his added girth, or are they making a statement by having Indiana look like a man drowning in a mid-life crisis? Then again, they've got Shia LeBeouf as his son/assistant/whatever and Cate Blanchett as the evil Nazi/Communist/whatever. So I'll be happy.

5. The Happening (June 13)

First thoughts: I have always felt that M. Night Shymalan was one of the most critically maligned directors of the past 15 years or so. I thought The Village was beautifully filmed, and Lady in the Water, while exceedingly flawed, had wonderful, gentle performances and contained some images I still think about in odd moments. The fact that I have a wild girly-crush on him is incidental. His new film is about an environmental catastrophe- a subset of the horror/thriller genre that might have some legs on it. The last generations had Communists and Terrorists. We have Global Warming.

6. The Incredible Hulk (June 13)

First thoughts: Why, Edward Norton, WHY???!?? Oh, God, don't do it- you think it'll be good for your career, but look at that poor bastard Eric Bana- don't do it Edward!!!

7. The Dark Knight (July 18)

First thoughts: I have been looking forward to this movie since the first viral trailer appeared on the Web almost eight months ago. Everyone else is all worried about the fact that it's Heath Ledger's last performance, but I think that Christopher Nolan's melancholy tone will remind us of the tragic loss without losing track of the film.

8. Step Brothers (July 25)

First thoughts: I hope it's better than Walk Hard. I really, really hope it's better than that stupid basketball movie Will Farrell was in.

9. The X-Files: I Want to Believe (July 25)

First thoughts: "I want to believe" that this film will actually happen, but they've teased us before. But now they have legitimate release date, so I'm hopeful. Starring David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, and... Xhibit? Um...whatever.

10. Pineapple Express (August 8)

First thoughts: Judd Apatow is flirting with action/comedy territory. Movie Maven is intrigued but wary of any filmmaker who believes his own hype, as she believes Apatow probably does. But it's Seth Rogan and James Franco, so what's a girl to do?